Monday July 7, 2008

Given the progress that he has made in these past 4 months, I've been itching to say this, I am so proud of him. And yet, the sad thing is I can't tell him yet, I can't stop pretending yet, I can't stop abusing him yet, he is coming so far, I can't just stop now. The kid is growing up, and the best part is, he is growing on his own terms. All I am is an ,army of pawns in a game of chess. In this game, I am using my pawns to manipulate the rook, the piece that can only move forward, back and side to side who often does not stop until it hits something. As a pawn, I can do no real damage, but I can make him move in baby steps. I can attack him on a diagonal in one move. Next, he will move in front of me, putting me in the hotspot. To retaliate, I will move my next pawn adjacent to the first, putting the rook in danger once again. Presently, what this rook does is move two to the side, one past his original square. As I said, he is moving in baby steps, but regardless, I am more than pleased.

Call me twisted, call me mad, but no matter what you call me, I do not care - I have no regrets doing what I am doing. When I left _______, he didn't feel he had a grasp of himself. I could not predict what he was going to be like when he got older. The reason why his lack of understanding concerned me is because of the amount of responsibility he has resting on his shoulders. People depend on him. People need him. The way he was before, he desired to be perfect for others; however, he always neglected himself - although he often denied it. He couldn't take care of himself first. He didn't think to see himself first. Not neccessarily in all aspects of his life, but many.